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Clementine - Author's Notes

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Author's Notes

This fic would never have been written without help from an awful lot of sources:

1. caitriona_3 of course, for offering up the prompt. It was the only one I read and thought, “I can do something with that. Maybe. I think.”  I hope you liked the result.

2. Memory Alpha, which is a geek-tastic (nerd-gasmic?) (both?) compilation of the larger Star Trek canon (all the TV shows, including The Animated Series and all the movies, books, and comics, including information from commentaries, and probably a few things I don’t remember). As I was grazing through the site, trying to confirm details (the name of Kirk's brother; was his mother remarried; who was that kid boy!Kirk waved to while driving the corvette), I discovered (among many, many other things) the following facts:
(a) Vulcans can remove memories (and Spock did so to Kirk in Requiem for Methuselah).
(b) Vulcans can mind meld with more than one person, something called a “bridging of minds” (as seen in Unimatrix Zero, a Star Trek: Voyager episode).
(c) McCoy’s daughter was on Cerberus in approximately 2260 and survived a famine.
Names of planets and alien races (such as the Andorians and J'naii) were also taken from this site, as well as some of their general characteristics
(e.g., Andorians have four sexes; J'naii are androgynous). How they're referenced and used in this story are inventions to fit the needs of the story.

3. Sarah McLachlan’s song, I Will Remember You. The entire song spoke to me, but the following lyrics are what really helped to anchor the story in my own mind:
      I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
      Standing on the edge of something much too deep
      It’s funny how we feel so much but cannot say a word
      Though we are screaming inside oh we can’t be heard.

4.  This quote from Star Trek Reboot, which inspired me to figure out “what it was” that was holding Kirk back.
       ...'cause I looked up your file while you were drooling on the floor. Your aptitude tests are off the charts. So what is it? You like being the only genius-level repeat-offender in the midwest?
                - Pike - Star Trek (2009)

5. I stumbled upon (again on Memory Alpha) this simple quote from Kirk (“I need my pain!”).  For this A/N, I searched for the full quote and found this long-forgotten scene from a (for me) long-forgotten movie:
        Damn it, Bones, you're a doctor. You know that pain and guilt can't be taken away with a wave of a magic wand. They're the things we carry with us, the things that make us who we are. If we lose them, we lose ourselves. I don't want my pain taken away! I need my pain!
                - Captain Kirk - Star Trek V:  The Final Frontier
I had completely forgotten about that scene...except perhaps it lingered in my subconscious.  The similar scene in this fic was written in homage to all survivors of crime, violence and illness who have used their personal tragedies to make the world a better place.  Their strength of spirit is awe-inspiring and incredibly humbling.


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shirleyann66
shirleyann66

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Quotes

"All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need...fantasies to make life bearable."

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little --"

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

-- Susan and Death in Hogfather by Terry Pratchett

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"And no practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences. Indeed, it is the freedom upon which all the others are based."

-- Lord Vetinari in Going Postal by Terry Pratchett

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They thought the Library was a dangerous place because of all the magical books, which was true enough, but what made it really one of the most dangerous places there could ever be was the simple fact that it was a library.

-- Guards! Guards! by Terry Pratchett

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As a wizard, it was something that Ponder had only before encountered in acorns: a tiny soundless voice which said, yes, I am but a small, green, simple object - but I dream about forests.

-- Interesting Times by Terry Pratchett

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In the 24th century, there will be no hunger. There will be no greed. And every child will know how to read.

-- Gene Roddenberry, as repeated by Jonathan Frakes in the documentary How William Shatner Changed the World

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We've got two lives, one we're given and the other one we make
And the world won't stop, and actions speak louder
Listen to your heart, and what your heart might say
Everything we got, we got the hard way.

-- Mary Chapin Carpenter, The Hard Way from the album Come On, Come On

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Cause when they own the information, oh
They can bend it all they want.

-- John Mayer, Waiting on the World to Change from the album Continuum

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Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, "I'll try again tomorrow."

-- Mary Anne Radmacher, as seen in Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Tales to Inspire

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I never loved the soldier
Until there was a war.
Or thought about tomorrow
'til my baby hit the floor.
I only talk to God
When somebody's about to die.
I never cherished freedom
Freedom never cries.

-- Five for Fighting, Freedom Never Cries from the album Two Lights

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It may sound absurd: but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed: but won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream

-- Five for Fighting, Superman (It's Not Easy) from the album American Town

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Had a dream last night took a time travellin' ride
Back to my childhood where those monsters reside
They snack on innocence and dine on self-esteem
But I like to be in touch with what makes me scream
Vampires, mummies and the Holy Ghost
These are the things that terrify me the most.
No alien, psychopath or MTV host
Scares me like vampires,mummies and the Holy Ghost.

-- Jimmy Buffett, Vampires, Mummies and the Holy Ghost from the album Fruitcakes

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"I want to believe that... the dead are not lost to us. That they speak to us... as part of something greater than us - greater than any alien force. And if you and I are powerless now, I want to believe that if we listen, to what's speaking, it can give us the power to save ourselves."

-- Fox Mulder, The X-Files from the episode The Truth, pt. 2
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