shirleyann66 (shirleyann66) wrote,

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Lost Sheep - Ch. 14/??

Title: Lost Sheep
Characters: Beck, Heather and Others
Rating: M for bad language and mature, possibly embarrassing, subject matter.  {cue evil laughter}
Chapters: 14/??

Disclaimer: No, still don't own Jericho. Just having a little fun - not profit. No characters were harmed in the creation of this fic, and even the fluffy plot bunnies felt safe enough to come out and play.

Unbetaed. All mistakes are my own.

A/N:  Sorry, Janiekins - no Easter smut.  But you never know what tomorrow might bring...  ;)


The next day, the atmosphere in Antelope Wells was subdued, the residents still stunned by the previous day's events. The general pall only lifted during the town meeting in the evening. During the meeting - which quickly degenerated into a shouting match between Tomas and Frankie over the failure of the security detail then escalated to Frankie punching Tomas and the two of them being separated by Manny and Beck - the main questions circled around the identity of the dead men, and why they had come.

The attackers hadn't been anyone they recognized, and the only conclusion seemed to be that they had intended to scout the town from a distance and then wait until dark before raiding it for supplies. If they hadn't been spotted by one of Booker's men, they probably would have succeeded. Beck privately assured Heather earlier that he knew the dead men hadn't been members of Ravenwood or the ASA army, since they would have then simply marched into town. He didn't tell her that he wondered if the men had come because they had heard rumours about emissaries from Major Beck at Antelope Wells.

Even without Frankie's assault on Tomas - which was the talk of the town for days - the meeting was contentious. Tomas and his men were their temporary security force and the residents of the town wanted an explanation for how the attackers got so close without being seen. Everyone was angry and afraid, wondering where the strangers had come from and worried there may be another attack.

And everyone liked Booker. The fact that he had been injured during the attack disturbed them all. The news that he had survived, and would be back in a few days was a relief but left everyone unsettled.

Manny reassigned some of the workers from the building detail to the security detail, and using every ounce of diplomacy and charm at his disposal, he soothed the townspeople into some semblance of calm. He even got Frankie to apologize to Tomas, and had them shake hands and make peace. Of a sort.

Then he dismissed everyone, and reminded them that they would be building again in the morning.

Beck and Heather, along with Frankie and Adrienne, walked slowly back to Frankie's trailer. Heather had insisted that he sleep on the couch the previous night, and she was now trying to persuade him to move into the trailer instead of staying in the tent. To be honest, he wasn't putting up much of a battle and when Frankie and Adrienne both added their support, he gracefully surrendered to the inevitable.

The next few days settled back into the pattern that had been established before the attack, only with Beck now living in the trailer with the women. He took some good-natured ribbing from the other men, particularly Manny.

He didn't tell anybody - who could he tell? - that it was pure hell knowing that Heather was sleeping down the hall with just one, thin door between them. Especially now that he had finally admitted to himself he wanted more from her than just her friendship. He found himself even more fascinated by her eyes and that tantalizing full bottom lip he could watch all day. He could almost feel his hands in her hair, holding her steady as he kissed her. He had always loved to kiss, but he hadn't realized how much he missed it until he had to look at Heather every day and stop himself from kissing her. Especially in the morning when her hair was mussed and she looked soft and warm and still glazed from sleep, in that t-shirt and boxers, showing off those gorgeous legs that he so wanted to feel wrapped around him as he -

He groaned quietly in the dark as he lay on the couch, banishing the images with sheer will power, throbbing painfully with need. Here was not the place, he thought, although he supposed he could make use of the bathroom if he had to, once he was sure everyone was asleep.

What made it worse, he thought as he stared up at the ceiling, gritting his teeth, was the knowledge that, while he might have been out of the dating game for a long time, he could tell when a woman was attracted to him. He was almost sure Heather wouldn't turn him away if he went to her. And each night that he lay in the dark and thought of her undressing, getting ready for bed, so close to him, his reasons for not going down that hallway and through that door faded a little bit more.

But he did have his reasons, and they were important reasons, he grimly reminded himself.

For instance, there was the fact that Heather was attracted to him against her better judgment. While seduction had its charms, it was only charming to a certain point and then it just became...wrong and ultimately hurtful. He didn't want her to have any reservations or regrets about being with him.

Then there was the fact that she was still in love with Jake. He couldn't do much about that - he couldn't make her fall out of love. While he could very likely convince her to sleep with him, he certainly didn't want the ghost of Jake hovering in the background. And when they got back to Jericho, Jake would be right there, and he couldn't - wouldn't - compete with the town hero even if the town hero was currently with another woman.

Jericho. That was another reason, he thought as the tension in his body finally began to ease. He knew whatever they started here would have to end when they returned to Jericho - even if all they forged was a friendship. He was still Jericho's pariah - that hadn't changed - and Jericho was Heather's home and first loyalty. Besides Jake, of course.

Beck also didn't know what the future held; he didn't know how much his family would need him. He would do whatever he had to do to help them, to be there for least until the war started. And once the war started, well, he didn't know whether he would be able to stay in Jericho, or whether he would have to leave Heather - and his family - behind while he went to more distant battlefields. It was his job, his calling and probably inevitable - but it didn't make the prospect any more appealing. Regardless of their relationship - or lack thereof - back in Jericho, Beck wanted Heather to be safe, wanted to protect her, and knew he likely wouldn't be able to do it.

Then there were all the things he had done during his first weeks and months back in the country, and his thoughts and feelings about them that bore him down. There were the things he had told her about - and the things he hadn't told her about. Things like the fear they had had of finding their own loved ones sick and dying of radiation poisoning. Of being forced to put bullets into people they knew, they loved. Of dark nights spent under siege in all-American towns and being afraid that this time, they wouldn't live to see the dawn.

It had been one such night in some nameless town in Utah, waiting to see if he and his men would survive the night, that he had finally admitted to himself that Simone had been right to leave him.  In retrospect, he was amazed they had lasted as long as they did. Simone had never been all that sexual with him although that didn't mean she didn't love him or didn't enjoy sex while it was happening. But his less than refined approach to lovemaking at the beginning of their relationship made her flinch. And so, as the years progressed, he learned to control himself and to always make love to Simone gently, romantically, sweetly - to be honest, it was almost coma-inducing.  He finally accepted the fact that sometimes he needed something different. They had both probably needed something different, both emotionally and physically, for a long time before she left him for William. 

As he stood watch that night months ago, thinking about his wife, his nerves taut, trying not to shoot at shadows and make a bad situation worse, he finally admitted to himself that sometimes what he wanted - what he needed - was to fuck someone as hard as possible, until they both went out of their minds, and neither of them could think, could remember, until there was nothing left other than their bodies and the pleasure they gave each other.

And there, he thought with an inward sigh as he stared at the ceiling, was the real reason why he wasn't knocking at Heather's door right now. He didn't want to use her, and he didn't want to scare her. With the way he felt right now with his desire and need clouding his thoughts and judgment, he honestly couldn't be sure that he wasn't misreading the level of her attraction to him. He also didn't know if he could control himself with her; if he could control his desire for her - his need for oblivion. He was no longer a gentle man, a kind man - and the hot lust he felt when he looked at Heather could be called many things but "sweet" and "romantic" weren't two of them.

Above all, he liked her too much to do anything that could hurt her.

She mattered too much.

So he stayed on the couch.

So far.

At least he had his fantasies and his dreams, he thought ruefully. With a sigh, he shifted to a more comfortable position on the couch and waited for sleep.


Heather jerked awake, her heart pounding and her breathing rapid. She groaned, rubbing her face. Since Beck had moved back into the trailer, she'd been dreaming about him every night - as opposed to every other night, she thought wryly, like she'd been doing since she offered him coffee. The fact that she was dreaming about him wasn't so bad. It was what he did to her in her dreams that was the problem. This one had been particularly vivid - and vividly erotic.

She sighed and threw off the thin blanket. She lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling and then sighed again and got out of bed. She walked to the window, trying to calm her breathing and her rapid heartbeat.

The dreams were not only more frequent, she acknowledged, not only more vivid but also more...she struggled for a moment...adventurous. She blushed at the memory of this latest one. She was a relatively sheltered girl from small-town Kansas, for heaven's sake - she hadn't realized she even knew that position was possible.  Although it was certainly intriguing...

She leaned her heated forehead against the cool glass and sighed.

"No more denial, Heather my girl," she whispered and then chuckled. Wasn't talking to yourself the first sign of insanity? "No - replying is," she murmured and chuckled again.

Face it, she thought resignedly. She was bonkers about him. Head over heels. Totally twitterpated. Definitely discombobulated.

And he hadn't even kissed her.


She closed her eyes. They were on a collision course, she acknowledged. Had been probably from the moment he sat down at her table in Bailey's.

She wasn't an idiot; she may not have a lot of romantic experience, but she could tell when a man was attracted to her. Sometimes, when Beck let his guard down, his eyes burned her and she knew this hot lust wasn't one-sided, and she ended up dreaming about activities - and positions - that made her blush, and left her aching with frustrated longing.

It was enough to drive a girl out of her mind.

The worst of it was that he knew it, too.   She could see it in his eyes.

Damn him.

And he was sleeping on the couch, with only a hallway and one thin door between them.

She pressed her heated forehead even harder against the glass of the window.

And he was still in love with Simone. That was the one fact that kept her in her room instead of going to him. It was also why she hadn't made an effort to speak to him yet about the divorce or William. She didn't want to hear him confirm what she already knew.

She had to appreciate the irony, though, of falling in love with yet another man who was taken by a woman from his past. What were the odds, she wondered. Not that it mattered - she couldn't compete against the ghosts, she thought sadly, and she didn't know if Beck could ever be with her while he was still in love with Simone. She didn't know if she'd want to be with him while he was still in love with Simone. She also didn't know what the future held once they found everybody. What if William was dead? What then?

She sighed, shaking off her thoughts and turned back to the bed. At least the dreams were...pleasant, she thought ruefully. Although pleasurable would be more accurate.

And they were all she had.

So far.

Heather got back under the covers, resolutely closed her eyes and waited for sleep.


Tags: lost sheep
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