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ScriptFrenzy Excerpt

Hi, all.  Sorry for being a bit MIA (as usual, it seems).  Work's been kcking my heinie all over town and not in a good way.  :(  However, that's a post for another day.  Instead, I'm sharing an excerpt from the draft script I'm writing for ScriptFrenzy.  It's pretty standard Hollywood fare right now, but...I think I'm in love with it.  So far, anyway!  :D  I don't really have a page count because I haven't put the text into it's proper format yet.  I'll start doing that this week.  In the meantime, here's a little excerpt - and because I'm such a sap, it includes a kiss and a half-naked man (because I obviously don't get out much).  ;)
 

 

INT: GIDEON's room.


 

GIDEON moves painfully to the bed and gingerly sits down. He gives an exasperated sigh as CLAUDINE bustles in with a bowl of water, cloths and bandages.


 

CLAUDINE:

Don't give me that. You need to get cleaned up before you go to sleep.


 

GIDEON:

I can do it myself.


 

He makes to stand then grimaces and sits back down on the bed.


 

GIDEON:

Later.


 

CLAUDINE:

Now. Then you can sleep for a week. Or at least until morning.


 

She bustles around him, setting everything down within easy reach. She turns to him, with her hands on her hips.


 

CLAUDINE:

Okay, now strip.


 

GIDEON:

Really, Claudine, do you think this is the time?


 

CLAUDINE:

(exasperated)

Oh, please – just once will you just do as I tell you?


 

GIDEON slowly and painfully begins to unbutton his shirt, wincing as he removes it from his shoulders. His chest and torso are livid with bruises.


 

CLAUDINE:

They really did a number on you, didn't they?


 

GIDEON:

They did warn me.


 

CLAUDINE:

(bends to take a closer look at the bruises)

At least they didn't shoot you. It doesn't look like the skin has been broken, although I can't say anything about your ribs. You'll want Luke to take a closer look when he gets in.


 

GIDEON:

Ah, what would he know?


 

CLAUDINE:

(tries not to smile)

A trained doctor? Works in the emergency room at one of the busiest hospitals in the area? You're right - what could he possibly be able to do for you?


 

GIDEON:

Not much. I'll bet he'd have some pretty funky meds, though.


 

CLAUDINE:

No doubt.


 

GIDEON:

(winces as she cleans the wounds on his face)

What do you have that could compare to that?


 

CLAUDINE:

No funky meds, that's for sure. Maybe just gentle hands.


 

GIDEON:

You're not going to offer to kiss me and make me feel better?


 

CLAUDINE:

(beat)

Not sure that can compete with funky meds.


 

GIDEON:

You'd be surprised.


 

CLAUDINE works in silence, putting a bandage on the cut on his temple, concentrating on what she's doing while GIDEON stares at her with a hopeful expression. Finally, she's finished and she drops her hands before meeting GIDEON's eyes.


 

CLAUDINE:

This is a very bad idea.


 

GIDEON:

Hey, you kissed me first!

(beat)

Why is this a very bad idea?


 

CLAUDINE:

You...you don't like me very much.


 

GIDEON:

I like you a lot.


 

CLAUDINE:

Since when?


 

GIDEON:

Since the first time I saw you, sitting in the station, being booked along with CC and Cody.


 

CLAUDINE:

You only had eyes for CC! You didn't even know I was there!


 

GIDEON:

(puts his hands on her hips and tugs her closer)

You were sitting at Richie's desk, looking terrified and very, very young. You were wearing a paisley print dress – which you've never worn again, thank God – and low-heeled green shoes that matched the green in the dress. The only time I've ever seen you in a coordinated outfit, by the way. You were alternating between glaring at CC and anxiously watching Cody, and you'd obviously been fingerprinted before because you didn't need to be told what to do; you just did it. Your hair -


 

CLAUDINE:

Enough! What, did you review the squad room camera footage just in case I ever asked you about this?


 

GIDEON:

I thought you were beautiful.


 

CLAUDINE:

Really?


 

GIDEON:

Really.


 

He kisses her, a very sweet kiss, a kiss of promise. He also kisses her a little gingerly; his face is battered as well and it hurts.


 

CLAUDINE:

That was very nice.


 

GIDEON:

Unfortunately, I'm in no shape to do more than “nice”.


 

CLAUDINE:

That's okay. It would probably be a very bad idea to do more than “nice” right now anyway.


 

GIDEON:

Why?


 

CLAUDINE:

(whispers)

Because we're not alone.


 

GIDEON:

Are they here?


 

CLAUDINE:

No.

(sound of voices outside the door)

Luke just got back.


 

The door opens and LUKE rushes in, only to stop dead at the sight of GIDEON and CLAUDINE. LUKE observes them for a moment.


 

LUKE:

And here I thought you were at death's door.


 

GIDEON:

Not exactly, but I appreciate the concern. Nurse Claudine was looking after me until your return.


 

LUKE:

So I see. Is that a smile on your face? Good God – who are you and what have you done with my brother?


 

CLAUDINE:

(steps back from GIDEON and starts to pack up her stuff)

Give him a minute; I'm sure he'll return soon enough. I'll leave him in your capable hands, doctor.


 

LUKE goes to GIDEON and begins to examine him as CLAUDINE leaves the room.


 

LUKE:

Is this wise?


 

GIDEON:

Oh, don't you start.


 

LUKE:

Unlike most women, Claudine doesn't just carry metaphorical ghosts with her; she carries real ones, too. It's going to be complicated.


 

GIDEON:

We've been invaded by aliens. More and more people are disappearing every day, and the aliens are to blame. Our father hunts ghosts for a living and they're trying to tell him how to open some damn door – and it, too, is related to the aliens. Not to mention our brother is a pain in the ass, and Dad loves him best. Isn't it already complicated?


 

LUKE:

(chuckling)

Yeah, I guess.

(straightens up)

Nothing broken that I can tell, but you must be really hurting right about now. Those bruises are pretty deep.


 

GIDEON:

Yeah, I've definitely felt better.


 

LUKE:

I'll give you something to take the edge off the pain and then I want you to get some rest.


 

LUKE gives GIDEON some pills and watches while he takes them. Then he packs up his stuff and walks to the door.


 

LUKE:

Oh, and for the record? Dad's always loved me best – and don't you forget it.


 

GIDEON chuckles as LUKE leaves, then winces as he settles himself on the bed and closes his eyes, waiting for sleep. After a moment, he opens his eyes, stares at the ceiling and frowns thoughtfully.

 


Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
harpergrey
Apr. 7th, 2010 02:56 am (UTC)
Oooh, this sounds interesting! I like it! :)
shirleyann66
Apr. 7th, 2010 01:55 pm (UTC)
Thanks! :) Now if I only knew what happens to Gideon just before this scene... *ponders*
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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shirleyann66
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