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Promises (or lack thereof) - Pt. 17/25

Challenge:  love_bingo   
Fandom:  Jericho
Rating:  PG to PG-13
Words:  511
Prompt:  LN4 - Grief
Warnings:  Nothing too explicit but will warn for violence/implied torture in a couple of the later parts (I'll post a specific warning on those posts). Everything in the series and comics is fair game, so spoilers ahoy!  

Disclaimer:   I do not own, nor am I affiliated with, CBS or Jericho or...whoever else may actually own this show.  I just like to take the characters out to play.  I put them back, mostly unharmed...although not always...this is for fun, not profit and no copyright infringement is intended.

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Heather knew Beck loved her; knew he was with her because, whether he could outwardly admit it or not, he truly believed his wife and daughter were dead. He still kept searching, still kept looking for leads and information, but she knew that in his heart, he'd accepted the fact that they were most likely dead, and that was why he'd moved on with her.

If sometimes he hoped, it was only natural, Heather thought. It had been just over two years since the Attacks, and Beck had no idea what happened to them. He therefore had no closure. Not real closure.

Sometimes, though, Beck seemed to go very far away even though he was still right there. In those times Heather knew he was thinking of the family he'd lost, grieving for the life he'd had, and the life he could still be living, if things had been different.

Sometimes, Heather had to admit, she was jealous of a dead woman. Sometimes, having three in a relationship - even if one was a ghost - was a difficult load to bear. And she wondered what that said about her, that she could be so insecure as to feel jealous of a former relationship that was irrevocably in the past, that she could be jealous of a woman who probably died a horrible death.

When Beck was lost in his memories and his grief, she'd hear Hayes' voice again calling her "any port in a storm". She knew Hayes had been manipulating her, searching for any weaknesses he could exploit to get the information he wanted. But his words still haunted her, mainly because sometimes Beck's grief was deep and visceral; his longing and regret and - yes - guilt an almost tangible thing that surrounded them. The depth of his pain broke her heart, and it was something she couldn't fight or fix. She sometimes wasn't sure her love would be enough to help him heal.

Even though he never said it out loud, Beck loved her. And yet - and yet. There was, and always would be, a part of him that couldn't belong to her. A part of him, in fact, that shouldn't belong to her. It didn't diminish his love for her, and he did everything he could to show her how much she meant to him. 

Her doubts were rare, and only came when his grief would overwhelm him, and he was somewhere else in his heart and mind for days, when it would start to feel that he would rather stay with his memories than live with her. Then she would start to wonder...did he really love her, or had he simply settled for what was, essentially, second best?

Those were the days when she was brutally honest with herself, and knew beyond a doubt that if Rosa were to walk into Jericho tomorrow, Beck would have no hesitation as to which woman he would choose. Beck may have accepted in his heart that Rosa and Madeleine were dead; Heather found she couldn't bring herself to do the same.



Part 16          Part 18



 

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shirleyann66
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Quotes

"All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need...fantasies to make life bearable."

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little --"

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

"So we can believe the big ones?"

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

-- Susan and Death in Hogfather by Terry Pratchett

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"And no practical definition of freedom would be complete without the freedom to take the consequences. Indeed, it is the freedom upon which all the others are based."

-- Lord Vetinari in Going Postal by Terry Pratchett

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They thought the Library was a dangerous place because of all the magical books, which was true enough, but what made it really one of the most dangerous places there could ever be was the simple fact that it was a library.

-- Guards! Guards! by Terry Pratchett

---------------------

As a wizard, it was something that Ponder had only before encountered in acorns: a tiny soundless voice which said, yes, I am but a small, green, simple object - but I dream about forests.

-- Interesting Times by Terry Pratchett

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In the 24th century, there will be no hunger. There will be no greed. And every child will know how to read.

-- Gene Roddenberry, as repeated by Jonathan Frakes in the documentary How William Shatner Changed the World

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We've got two lives, one we're given and the other one we make
And the world won't stop, and actions speak louder
Listen to your heart, and what your heart might say
Everything we got, we got the hard way.

-- Mary Chapin Carpenter, The Hard Way from the album Come On, Come On

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Cause when they own the information, oh
They can bend it all they want.

-- John Mayer, Waiting on the World to Change from the album Continuum

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Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, "I'll try again tomorrow."

-- Mary Anne Radmacher, as seen in Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Tales to Inspire

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I never loved the soldier
Until there was a war.
Or thought about tomorrow
'til my baby hit the floor.
I only talk to God
When somebody's about to die.
I never cherished freedom
Freedom never cries.

-- Five for Fighting, Freedom Never Cries from the album Two Lights

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It may sound absurd: but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed: but won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream

-- Five for Fighting, Superman (It's Not Easy) from the album American Town

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Had a dream last night took a time travellin' ride
Back to my childhood where those monsters reside
They snack on innocence and dine on self-esteem
But I like to be in touch with what makes me scream
Vampires, mummies and the Holy Ghost
These are the things that terrify me the most.
No alien, psychopath or MTV host
Scares me like vampires,mummies and the Holy Ghost.

-- Jimmy Buffett, Vampires, Mummies and the Holy Ghost from the album Fruitcakes

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"I want to believe that... the dead are not lost to us. That they speak to us... as part of something greater than us - greater than any alien force. And if you and I are powerless now, I want to believe that if we listen, to what's speaking, it can give us the power to save ourselves."

-- Fox Mulder, The X-Files from the episode The Truth, pt. 2
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